I Feel Grief or Loss

Grief can make an ordinary moment suddenly feel impossible.

You may feel deeply sad, empty, angry, numb, restless, guilty, relieved, confused or completely exhausted.

You may move between several of these feelings in one day.

You may be functioning one minute and unable to think clearly the next.

There is no particular way you are supposed to feel, and there is no timetable you need to follow. Grief can be connected to death, separation, the loss of an animal, illness, miscarriage, a relationship ending, losing a home, losing work, losing independence or losing the future you expected.

You do not have to understand everything right now.

You do not have to make yourself feel better.

You only need to decide what might help you through the next few minutes.

Hero Image Suggestion

A calm, realistic home setting with a comfortable chair beside a window, a glass of water, a blanket, tissues, a notebook and a phone resting nearby. The image should communicate practical comfort and support without showing staged distress.

Image Prompt:

A deeply human editorial photograph for a practical grief-support webpage. A comfortable chair beside a softly lit window with a folded blanket, glass of water, tissues, notebook and phone nearby. Warm natural daylight, realistic Australian home setting, soft neutral tones and subtle native greenery. The scene should feel safe, private and steady without showing crying people, funeral imagery, dramatic darkness or staged sadness.

Alt Text:

A comfortable chair beside a window with water, tissues, a blanket, notebook and phone nearby.

Start Here: What Do You Need Most?

You do not need to read this entire page.

Choose the part that feels closest to what is happening now.


  • The feeling has suddenly become overwhelming: use the Grief Wave technique.

  • You feel numb or disconnected: use the Room and Body technique.

  • You cannot stop thinking: use the Thought Parking technique.

  • You have forgotten to eat or drink: use the Three Mouthfuls technique.

  • You cannot sleep: use the Rest Instead of Sleep technique.

  • You need someone but cannot explain everything: use one of the connection messages.

  • You need to cry or release something: create a safe place for the feeling.

  • You need to remember someone: choose a small memory ritual.

  • You cannot manage the day: use the Minimum Day plan.

You do not have to choose perfectly.

Start with the easiest option.

Technique 1: Get Through a Grief Wave

Sometimes grief rises very quickly.

A photograph, smell, song, empty room, date or ordinary thought may suddenly bring the loss close again. Grief commonly comes in waves and can intensify around memories and significant occasions.

When that happens, try this:

Step 1: Stop Adding Tasks

For the next few minutes, you do not need to reply to messages, make decisions or solve anything.

Put down anything that can safely wait.

Sit, lean against something or place both feet on the floor.

Step 2: Name the Moment Gently

You might say:

“This is a grief wave.”

Or:

“Something has brought the loss close again.”

You are not trying to explain the feeling.

You are only reminding yourself that you are inside a difficult moment.

Step 3: Find Three Steady Things

Look around and find:


  • One solid object

  • One ordinary sound

  • One place where your body is supported

You might notice the table, the sound of a fan and the chair beneath you.

Keep your attention on ordinary things for a few seconds.

Step 4: Let Your Breathing Stay Natural

You do not have to take a huge breath.

Large, forced breaths can sometimes feel uncomfortable.

Instead, allow your next breath to arrive naturally.

When you breathe out, let the exhale become slightly slower if that feels comfortable.

Repeat this two or three times.

Step 5: Choose One Supportive Action

Choose only one:


  • Drink some water

  • Wrap yourself in a blanket

  • Step outside

  • Sit beside someone

  • Send a message

  • Hold something familiar

  • Let yourself cry

  • Turn off unnecessary noise

  • Lie down somewhere safe

You do not have to stop the wave.

You are helping yourself remain supported while it passes through.

Image Suggestion — Grief Wave Technique

A person shown from behind sitting safely in a comfortable chair with both feet on the floor, one hand resting on the chair and a glass of water nearby. Their face should not be visible.

Image Prompt:

Warm, compassionate lifestyle photograph of a person viewed from behind sitting safely in a comfortable chair with both feet on the floor. One hand rests on the chair and a glass of water is nearby. Soft natural light, realistic home setting and calm neutral colours. No visible face, staged crying, medical setting or dramatic body language.

Alt Text:

A person sitting with both feet on the floor and a glass of water nearby.

Technique 2: Come Back to the Room

Grief can sometimes make you feel far away, numb or disconnected from what is around you.

You do not need to force yourself to feel anything.

Try gently reconnecting with the room.

The 5–4–3–2–1 Room Check

Look for:


  • Five things you can see

  • Four things you can physically feel

  • Three things you can hear

  • Two things you can smell

  • One thing you can taste—or would be willing to taste

You do not need to complete every number.

You might only notice:


  • The window

  • The weight of your clothes

  • A sound outside

That is enough.

A Smaller Version

When counting feels like too much, find:


  • One colour

  • One sound

  • One solid surface

Place your hand on the solid surface.

Notice that it is here.

Notice that you are here too.

Technique 3: Help Your Body Feel Supported

Grief is not only an emotional experience. It can affect sleep, appetite, energy and physical comfort.

Ask yourself:

“What does my body need in the next ten minutes?”

Not what it needs for the entire day.

Only the next ten minutes.

The answer might be:


  • Water

  • Food

  • Warmth

  • Cooler air

  • A bathroom break

  • A shower

  • Clean clothes

  • Quiet

  • Movement

  • Rest

  • Pain relief you normally use safely

  • Somewhere to sit down

Choose one need.

Do that before asking yourself to do anything more.

Technique 4: Use the Three Mouthfuls Approach

Grief can reduce appetite or make preparing food feel far too complicated. Regular meals and basic physical care can help maintain energy while you are grieving.

You do not have to prepare a proper meal right now.

Choose something simple:


  • Toast

  • Yoghurt

  • Fruit

  • Soup

  • Crackers

  • Cheese

  • A sandwich

  • A muesli bar

  • A ready-made meal

  • Something another person has prepared

Take three mouthfuls.

Then pause.

You may continue eating, or you may stop and try again later.

You can also place an easy snack and a drink somewhere visible, so you do not have to make the decision again.

Something small is better than demanding a perfect meal from yourself.

Image Suggestion — Simple Food Support

A quiet kitchen table with toast, sliced fruit, yoghurt, water and a ready-made bowl of soup. The food should look achievable rather than elaborately prepared.

Image Prompt:

Realistic editorial photograph of simple, manageable food for a difficult grief day. Include toast, sliced fruit, yoghurt, crackers, a glass of water and a small bowl of ready-made soup on a warm wooden table. Soft natural light, no elaborate cooking, no perfect food styling and no visible person. The image should communicate that simple food is enough.

Alt Text:

Simple foods including toast, fruit, yoghurt, crackers, soup and a glass of water.

Technique 5: Rest When Sleep Will Not Come

You may feel exhausted but still be unable to sleep.

Try changing the goal from “I must sleep” to “I am going to give my body a period of rest.”

You might:


  • Lower the lights

  • Put your phone face down

  • Listen to something familiar

  • Rest under a blanket

  • Place a pillow behind or beneath you

  • Keep water nearby

  • Sit somewhere comfortable if lying down feels worse

  • Read something simple and familiar

  • Let yourself watch a quiet, familiar program

You do not need to make sleep happen.

Create the conditions for rest and allow sleep to come if it comes.

When thoughts repeatedly pull you back into the loss, keep a notebook nearby and write one sentence:

“I am afraid I will forget this, so I have written it down for tomorrow.”

Then return to resting.

If poor sleep continues or is making daily life difficult, it is reasonable to speak with a doctor or health professional. Healthdirect recommends seeking help when grief repeatedly prevents sleep or significantly disrupts everyday life.

Technique 6: Park Repeating Thoughts

Grief can fill your mind with unfinished questions:


  • Why did this happen?

  • What should I have done?

  • What happens now?

  • Did they know how much I cared?

  • What if things had been different?

  • How am I supposed to manage this?

You do not have to answer these questions while you are overwhelmed.

Take a page and divide it into two sections:

Not for Right Now

Write down the thoughts that cannot be solved in this moment.

Examples:


  • Questions without an answer

  • Decisions that can wait

  • Things you wish had happened differently

  • Conversations you keep replaying

One Thing I Can Do

Write one practical action.

It might be:


  • Drink water

  • Feed the animals

  • Cancel an appointment

  • Ask someone to bring food

  • Put clean clothes beside the bed

  • Reply to one important message

  • Rest for twenty minutes

The first section holds what cannot be solved.

The second section gives you one place to begin.

Sometimes grief contains many different losses at once. You are allowed to notice that gradually rather than sorting through everything today.

Technique 7: Create a Safe Place to Cry

You do not have to cry.

Not crying does not mean you are not grieving.

But when you feel tears building and want somewhere safe to let them come, prepare the space first.

You might gather:


  • Water

  • Tissues or a towel

  • A blanket

  • A pillow

  • A familiar object

  • Music, silence or gentle background sound

  • A pet who naturally stays near you

  • A person who understands that you do not need advice

Then give yourself permission to sit there without performing, explaining or stopping the feeling.

When the intensity eases, look around the room again.

Notice the time of day.

Drink some water.

Wash your face if that feels helpful.

Change rooms or step outside briefly.

Crying is one possible response to grief, but it is not a requirement. People may need company, privacy, activity, silence or several different things at different times.

Technique 8: Ask for the Kind of Support You Need

People may care but not know what to do.

You are allowed to be specific.

You do not have to explain the entire loss before asking for help.

Message When You Need Quiet Company

“I’m having a difficult grief day. I don’t need advice or a big conversation. Could you sit with me or stay nearby for a little while?”

Message When You Need Practical Help

“I’m struggling with ordinary tasks today. Could you help me with food, washing or one phone call?”

Message When You Can Only Text

“I don’t have the energy to talk, but I don’t want to feel completely alone. Could you stay in contact with me by text today?”

Message When You Need Someone to Listen

“I need to say some things about what happened. You don’t need to fix it. Could you listen for a little while?”

Message When You Need Space

“I care about you, but I need some quiet today. I’m going to rest and will respond when I have more capacity.”

Support can include talking, sitting together silently, sharing a meal, walking or accepting practical help.

Image Suggestion — Reaching Out

A close-up of a phone displaying a simple unfinished message, with a cup of tea and blanket nearby. Do not show a private contact name or complete personal conversation.

Image Prompt:

Compassionate close-up photograph of a phone beside a warm drink and folded blanket. The phone shows a simple draft message beginning, “I’m having a difficult day…” without any names or private information. Soft daylight, natural textures, realistic home setting and calm supportive mood.

Alt Text:

A phone with a draft support message beside a warm drink and folded blanket.

Technique 9: Move Some of the Tension

Movement does not need to be exercise.

You might:


  • Walk to the letterbox

  • Stand outside for two minutes

  • Stretch your hands

  • Roll your shoulders

  • Walk slowly around the room

  • Water a plant

  • Sit in the garden

  • Take the dog outside

  • Shake tension from your hands

  • Change where you are sitting

Physical activity, including gentle walking, may help release tension and give temporary relief from the intensity of grief.

The goal is not to improve your mood.

The goal is to give some of the physical energy somewhere safe to go.

Technique 10: Make a Minimum Day Plan

On some days, ordinary expectations need to become much smaller.

A minimum day might contain only:


  • Drink something

  • Eat something

  • Use the bathroom

  • Take care of essential health needs

  • Feed anyone or any animal depending on you

  • Respond to one urgent matter

  • Rest

  • Let everything non-essential wait

You can write two lists:

Must Happen Today

Only include things that genuinely cannot wait.

Can Wait

Place everything else here.

Do not move tasks back onto the first list because you feel guilty.

You are not failing at the day.

You are adjusting the day to what you are carrying.

Technique 11: Prepare for Dates and Triggers

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, familiar places, music and unexpected reminders can make grief feel suddenly close again.

Before a difficult date, decide:


  • Whether you want company

  • Whether you want privacy

  • What commitments you can cancel

  • What food will be available

  • Who you could contact

  • Whether you want to mark the day

  • What you will do if the feeling becomes overwhelming

You might tell someone:

“This date may be difficult for me. Could you check in without expecting a long conversation?”

You do not have to commemorate the day.

You do not have to ignore it.

You can decide what is manageable this time.

Technique 12: Choose a Memory Ritual

Remembering someone or something you have lost does not have to mean forcing yourself to “let go.”

You might:


  • Light a candle

  • Play one piece of music

  • Cook a familiar meal

  • Visit a meaningful place

  • Write a letter

  • Say their name

  • Collect photographs

  • Plant something

  • Keep a small object nearby

  • Tell someone a story about them

  • Donate or help in a way that honours them

  • Create something with your hands

Memory rituals, photographs, letters, music and shared stories are recognised ways people may honour a loss and continue a meaningful connection.

You do not have to turn the loss into a lesson.

You are simply making room for what mattered.

Image Suggestion — Memory Ritual

A small candle beside a photograph turned slightly away from the camera, a handwritten letter, a flower and a meaningful keepsake. The image should remain inclusive of different types of loss.

Image Prompt:

Gentle and inclusive memory ritual photographed on a natural wooden surface. Include a small candle, a photograph turned slightly away so no face is identifiable, a handwritten letter, one flower and a simple keepsake. Soft warm light, private and respectful atmosphere. Avoid religious assumptions, funeral styling, dramatic darkness or overly sentimental presentation.

Alt Text:

A candle, handwritten letter, flower, photograph and small keepsake arranged as a memory ritual.

Technique 13: Alternate Between Grief and Ordinary Life

You do not have to think about the loss constantly to prove that it mattered.

It is okay to move between grieving and ordinary activities.

You might spend ten minutes looking at photographs and then wash the dishes.

You might cry and then watch something funny.

You might speak about the person and then discuss something completely ordinary.

You might feel peaceful for an hour and devastated later.

Pleasure, distraction or laughter do not erase the loss.

Resting from grief is not the same as forgetting.

Technique 14: Use Creativity Only When It Helps

Creative activity can be useful, but it is only one option.

You might:


  • Draw without trying to make a picture

  • Place mosaic pieces by colour

  • Work with clay

  • Fold paper

  • Knit or sew

  • Garden

  • Sand a piece of wood

  • Arrange photographs

  • Write one honest sentence

  • Listen to music

You can follow along with a guided Come Create With Me session.

You can also only watch.

You can pause, leave and return.

You do not have to create something about the loss.

The task can simply give your hands something steady to do.

A Simple Plan for the Next Hour

When you cannot decide what to do, try this:

First Ten Minutes

Sit somewhere supported.

Drink some water.

Notice the room around you.

Next Ten Minutes

Eat something small or prepare something easy for later.

Next Ten Minutes

Send one message or let someone know you are having a difficult day.

Next Ten Minutes

Rest, walk slowly, sit outside or take a shower.

Final Twenty Minutes

Choose what feels least demanding:


  • Sleep

  • Watch something familiar

  • Sit with someone

  • Complete one necessary task

  • Listen to music

  • Cry

  • Do something with your hands

  • Continue resting

You do not have to complete the whole hour.

Use only the part that helps.

Quietly Notice What Helps

You may begin to notice that certain dates, places, responsibilities or times of day make the grief feel closer.

You may also notice that particular people, routines, foods, places or activities make the moment slightly easier to carry.

You do not need to analyse this.

You might simply write:

“This was a hard moment.”

And:

“This helped a little.”

Over time, those small observations can help you prepare for difficult moments without telling you how you are supposed to grieve.

When More Support May Be Needed

You deserve additional support when grief is making daily life very difficult.

Consider contacting a doctor, grief service or other trusted professional when:


  • You are regularly unable to eat or sleep

  • You cannot manage essential daily tasks

  • The distress is becoming more intense

  • You are becoming increasingly isolated

  • You are relying heavily on alcohol or other substances

  • You feel unable to continue coping

  • You are having thoughts about harming yourself

  • You feel unsafe with yourself or someone else

Healthdirect advises seeking help when grief causes intense ongoing distress, seriously affects work or relationships, prevents sleep, disrupts eating or makes ordinary functioning very difficult.

This page provides practical support, but it is not emergency or medical care.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000.

For immediate crisis support in Australia, contact Lifeline by calling 13 11 14, texting 0477 13 11 14, or using Lifeline Crisis Chat.

You Do Not Have to Do This Perfectly

You do not need to complete every technique.

You do not need to feel calmer immediately.

You do not need to turn your grief into something meaningful.

Choose one thing:

Drink something.

Eat three mouthfuls.

Sit somewhere supported.

Send one message.

Step outside.

Rest.

Say their name.

Let yourself feel nothing for a while.

You do not have to fix everything right now.

You can start with something small.

You can use whatever you have.

You can stop and return.

This page will still be here when you need somewhere steady to land.

Closing Image Suggestion

A softly lit table with water, an easy snack, a phone, a blanket and a handwritten card reading, “Only the next small thing.”

Image Prompt:

Warm closing image for a practical grief-support webpage. A softly lit wooden table with a glass of water, simple snack, phone, folded blanket and handwritten card reading, “Only the next small thing.” Include subtle native Australian greenery and gentle natural light. The mood should feel steady, compassionate and realistic, with no dramatic sadness or polished luxury styling.

Alt Text:

Water, a simple snack, phone and blanket beside a card reading, “Only the next small thing.”