Safe Touch and Self-Holding
When everything feels like too much, you may not be able to think your way through it.
You may not know what you need. You may not want to explain what happened. You might not have words for what you are feeling.
You do not have to work everything out right now.
For the next few moments, you can begin with one small point of contact.
You might hold your own hand, place a hand around your forearm, wrap yourself loosely in a blanket or hold a cushion against your side.
You do not have to force yourself to feel calm.
You are simply giving yourself something steady and clear to notice.
You can follow every step, choose one small part or just read for now.
There is no perfect way to do this.
Image suggestion: A person sitting comfortably in a softly lit room, gently holding one forearm with their opposite hand. Their face does not need to be visible.
Alt text: Person gently holding their forearm while sitting in a quiet room.
Before You Begin
The word “safe” in this activity means that the touch is:
Chosen by you
Controlled by you
Comfortable enough for you
Easy to change
Easy to stop
This page is about self-directed touch and self-holding.
It is not asking you to accept touch from another person.
You do not owe anyone a hug, physical affection or access to your body. Someone else wanting to comfort you does not mean you have to agree to being touched.
For this activity, your comfort matters more than completing the steps.
You can touch bare skin, touch yourself through clothing, use an object or avoid direct touch completely.
You can change your mind at any point.
You Can Use Whatever You Have
You do not need a special blanket, weighted product or sensory tool.
You could use:
Your own hands
The sleeves of your clothing
A soft blanket
A folded towel
A cushion
A stuffed toy
A smooth stone
A piece of fabric
A warm mug
The arm of a chair
A table
A wall
The floor beneath your feet
An object that already feels familiar
If direct touch does not feel right, an object can create a point of contact without asking you to touch your body.
You can use whatever you have.
Image suggestion: A folded blanket, cushion, smooth stone, fabric and warm mug arranged simply on a table.
Alt text: Familiar household objects that can be used instead of direct self-touch.
Start by Looking Around
Start by Looking Around
Keep your eyes open if that feels better.
You do not need to study the room. Simply notice one ordinary thing near you.
You might notice:
A doorway
A window
A chair
A light
A familiar object
The colour of a wall
The shape of a table
The surface beneath your feet
You do not have to take a deep breath.
You do not have to control your breathing.
Let your breathing happen in its own way.
Now notice whether something is supporting your body.
Perhaps the floor is supporting your feet.
A chair may be supporting your back.
A bed may be supporting your weight.
A wall may be behind you.
You do not need to feel completely calm or completely safe.
You are only noticing what is physically supporting you in this particular moment.
Image suggestion: Feet resting on the floor beside a comfortable chair, with soft natural light entering through a nearby window.
Alt text: Feet resting on the floor while a person notices the support beneath them.
A One-Minute Safe Touch Practice
You can stop after any step.
You can also complete the practice without touching your body.
Step One: Choose a Neutral Place
Choose an area that feels reasonably neutral to touch today.
This might be:
One hand
Your wrist
Your forearm
Your upper arm
Your shoulder
Your knee
The outside of your clothing
You do not have to place a hand over your heart.
You do not have to touch your face, chest or stomach.
Avoid any area that feels painful, injured, exposed, sensitive or simply wrong today.
There does not need to be a reason.
Step Two: Bring Your Hand Closer
Move one hand towards the area you have chosen.
You can make contact immediately, or you can pause with your hand just above your body.
Notice that you are choosing when the touch begins.
If you decide not to make contact, move your hand away again.
That is still a completed choice.
Step Three: Rest Rather Than Grip
Let your hand rest on the chosen area.
Try not to grip tightly.
You might prefer very light contact.
You might prefer firmer, steadier pressure.
Use only enough pressure to notice where your hand meets your body.
You remain in control of the pressure.
Step Four: Notice Three Simple Things
Without trying to understand or analyse anything, notice:
Where your hand is touching
Whether the contact feels warm, cool or neutral
Whether you want less pressure, more pressure or no pressure
You do not have to feel comforted.
You do not have to feel an emotional change.
The physical contact is enough to notice.
Step Five: Stay or Release
Remain there for a few seconds if it feels manageable.
Then deliberately lift your hand away.
Notice that you can begin the touch and end the touch.
You are allowed to move, adjust, release or choose something different.
Sometimes a feeling builds over time rather than coming from one obvious moment.
You do not need to understand that right now.
For now, you have completed one small action.
Image suggestion: A close-up of one hand resting gently over the opposite wrist, with relaxed fingers and no visible gripping.
Alt text: Hand resting gently over the opposite wrist during a self-holding practice.
Hand-Over-Hand Holding
Place one hand inside the other as though you are holding hands with yourself.
Let one palm support the back of the other hand.
You can keep your hands still.
You can slowly move one thumb across the other hand.
You can gently press your palms together.
You can also hold the fabric covering your hand rather than touching your skin.
Notice the boundaries of your hands.
Notice where one hand ends and the other begins.
You might quietly say:
I am here.
I can stay with this one moment.
I do not have to fix everything right now.
Continue only while the contact feels helpful or neutral.
Release your hands whenever you are ready.
That is enough.
Image suggestion: Two hands loosely held together in a person’s lap, with relaxed fingers and soft natural lighting.
Alt text: Person gently holding their own hands together in their lap.
Holding Your Forearm
Place your right hand around your left forearm.
You can place your hand directly on your skin or hold your arm through your sleeve.
Let your fingers rest rather than squeeze.
Notice:
The shape of your arm beneath your hand
The texture of your clothing
The warmth or coolness of the area
The pressure created by your hand
You can remain still.
You can move your hand slowly along the sleeve.
You can hold one arm with both hands.
You can release immediately.
There is no need to rub quickly or create a strong sensation.
You are giving your attention somewhere clear and contained to rest.
Stay for one moment.
Then another, if you choose.
Release whenever you are ready.
Image suggestion: A person wearing a soft jumper, with one hand resting loosely around the opposite forearm.
Alt text: Person using gentle pressure through their sleeve while holding their forearm.
A Loose Cross-Body Hold
Bring one arm loosely across the front of your body.
Let your hand rest on your opposite upper arm, shoulder or side.
If that feels comfortable, bring the other arm across as well.
Do not pull yourself tightly.
Imagine that you are making a loose boundary around yourself rather than trying to squeeze a feeling away.
You might prefer:
Both arms loosely crossed
One arm resting across your body
One hand on the opposite upper arm
One hand on the opposite shoulder
One hand holding the fabric of your shirt
A blanket wrapped loosely around your shoulders
Remain in control of the pressure.
You can loosen your arms at any time.
You can leave one hand in place and release the other.
You can stop immediately.
Your body does not have to accept a particular kind of touch just because someone else finds it comforting.
Image suggestion: A person wrapped loosely in a blanket, with their hands resting on the outside of the fabric.
Alt text: Person using a blanket for a loose and optional sense of self-holding.
Holding Your Upper Arms
Place one hand around the opposite upper arm.
Let your fingers and palm make gentle contact.
You can hold through your clothing if you prefer.
Notice the size and shape of your arm beneath your hand.
You might apply a small amount of pressure and then release it.
Press.
Release.
Press.
Release.
The movement can be very small.
It does not need to follow your breathing.
It does not need to be rhythmic.
Continue only while it feels acceptable.
Then let your hand fall back into your lap or beside you.
Placing One Hand on Your Shoulder
Bring one hand to the opposite shoulder.
Let it rest there without pushing down.
Notice the weight of your hand.
Notice the firmness beneath it.
You can leave your hand still or gently move your fingers over the fabric of your clothing.
If the shoulder feels too close to your face or neck, move your hand further down your upper arm.
You are allowed to find the least confronting position.
There is no correct position you must reach.
Image suggestion: A person sitting with one hand resting lightly on the opposite shoulder over their clothing.
Alt text: Person placing one hand gently on their opposite shoulder.
Using an Object Instead of Direct Touch
Self-holding does not have to involve touching your body with your hands.
You can use an object or firm surface to create steady, predictable contact.
Choose one option that feels manageable.
Hold a Cushion
Place a cushion beside you, across your lap or against your stomach or chest.
You do not have to hold it tightly.
Let your arms rest around it, or simply allow the cushion’s weight to remain against you.
Notice:
Its shape
Its softness or firmness
The pressure against your clothing
The way it stays in place
You can move it away at any time.
Rest a Blanket Across Your Lap
Fold a blanket and place it across your legs.
You do not have to wrap yourself in it.
Notice its weight and texture.
Run your fingers along an edge if that feels comfortable.
You can keep your hands on top of the blanket rather than touching your body.
Press Your Palms Against a Table
Place both palms on a table, desk or bench.
Press down gently.
Notice the firm surface beneath your hands.
Reduce the pressure.
Press again if you choose.
You might notice the temperature or texture of the surface.
Let the table remain still beneath you.
Place Your Back Against a Wall
Stand or sit with your back against a wall.
You do not need to push hard.
Notice the contact behind your shoulders, back or hips.
Let the wall provide a clear physical boundary.
Step away whenever you are ready.
Press Your Feet into the Floor
Place both feet on the floor.
Press down gently through your shoes, socks or bare feet.
Notice where your feet meet the surface.
You might press one foot and then the other.
You can also curl and release your toes.
The aim is not to create pain.
It is simply to notice that there is something solid beneath you.
Image suggestion: A person seated with a cushion held gently against their side and both feet supported by the floor.
Alt text: Person using a cushion and the floor for steady physical support.
When Touch Does Not Feel Safe or Comfortable
Touch is not calming for everyone.
It may feel irritating, uncomfortable, exposing, overwhelming, numb or simply unwanted.
You do not need to push through that response.
Move your hand away.
Uncross your arms.
Place the object down.
Remove the blanket.
Change your position.
Look around the room again.
You might choose something outside your body to notice instead.
Try one of these:
Name three colours you can see
Look for straight lines
Look for round shapes
Listen for the most distant sound
Hold the edge of a table
Look through a window
Watch a familiar video
Pick up an ordinary object
Count the corners in the room
Notice where light meets shadow
Grounding activities are intended to help bring attention back to the present surroundings, but not every method suits every person or every moment. It is appropriate to stop or change an activity that is making you feel worse.
You have not failed if self-touch does not help.
Choosing not to continue is also a way of listening to yourself.
Image suggestion: A person looking towards a window while holding a smooth object, with their hands away from their body.
Alt text: Person choosing visual grounding and an object instead of direct self-touch.
Words You Can Follow
You do not have to say these words aloud.
You can read them slowly.
You can listen while someone else reads them.
You can choose one sentence and ignore the rest.
I am here in this room.
I can see what is around me.
I can feel what is supporting me.
I am choosing this contact.
I can change the pressure.
I can move my hand.
I can stop whenever I need to.
I do not have to solve everything in this moment.
I am allowed to begin with something small.
I can take the next minute one piece at a time.
Pause for as long as you need between each sentence.
Ignore any sentence that does not feel right for you.
A Five-Minute Guided Self-Holding Practice
You can follow the entire practice or stop after the first step.
Minute One: Notice the Room
Look around without searching for anything special.
Notice one colour.
Notice one shape.
Notice one object that has been in the room for a while.
Feel the surface supporting you.
Nothing needs to change yet.
Minute Two: Choose Contact
Choose one form of contact.
You could:
Hold one hand
Hold one forearm
Rest a hand on your upper arm
Hold your sleeve
Hold a cushion
Place your hands on a table
Press your feet into the floor
Choose the option that asks the least from you.
Make contact slowly.
Minute Three: Adjust
Notice whether the pressure is comfortable.
Make it lighter if needed.
Make it slightly firmer if that feels better.
Move your hand.
Change the object.
Stop the contact.
Begin again.
The ability to adjust is part of the activity.
Minute Four: Stay With One Physical Detail
Choose one simple detail.
It might be:
Warmth
Coolness
Pressure
Softness
Firmness
Texture
Weight
The edge of an object
You do not need to look for an emotional meaning.
Stay with the physical detail for a few moments.
Minute Five: Release
Slowly release your hand or place the object down.
Move your fingers.
Look at something in the room.
Notice whether you want to remain where you are or move somewhere else.
You may feel slightly steadier.
You may feel no different.
You may simply know more clearly what does and does not feel comfortable.
All of those responses are allowed.
Safe Touch With a Simple Creative Activity
You do not need to make a finished project.
This activity gives your hands a small sequence to follow while using comfortable contact or pressure.
You can use:
Mosaic pieces
Scraps of paper
Pencils or crayons
Buttons
Leaves
Small stones
Pieces of fabric
Recycled packaging
Objects from a drawer
Begin With One Point of Contact
Hold one forearm, hold your own hand or press your palms gently against the table.
Stay there for one manageable moment.
Then release.
Choose One Piece
Pick up one piece or object.
Notice its weight, shape or texture.
You do not have to decide whether it is beautiful or useful.
Place it in front of you.
Add Something Beside It
Choose another piece and place it beside the first.
You might create:
A line
A circle
A small cluster
A repeating pattern
An uneven arrangement
No recognisable design at all
There is no design requirement.
Pause Again
Rest one hand over the other.
Hold an object.
Place your hands flat on the table.
Notice what is supporting your hands.
A lot of people carry more than they realise.
You do not have to uncover or explain any of it during this activity.
Continue One Piece at a Time
Choose one piece.
Place it down.
Pause when you need to.
Continue or stop.
You can finish after two pieces.
You can return later.
The purpose is not to make something impressive.
The purpose is to give yourself a manageable action while the difficult moment moves at its own pace.
Image suggestion: Mosaic pieces, paper shapes and smooth stones being slowly arranged in a loose circle.
Alt text: Hands arranging ordinary creative materials one piece at a time.
A Simple Paper Version
Take a sheet of paper.
Place one hand flat on the paper if that feels comfortable.
With your other hand, trace loosely around it.
You do not have to trace accurately.
Remove your hand.
Look at the shape left on the page.
Add lines, colours, dots or small shapes inside the outline.
You could fill each finger with a different pattern.
You could cover the entire outline in one colour.
You could tear the paper into pieces and arrange them.
You could leave it exactly as it is.
If tracing your hand feels uncomfortable, draw around an object instead.
A cup, stone, lid or small container will work.
You can use whatever you have.
Image suggestion: A simple hand outline on paper being filled with slow lines and small coloured shapes.
Alt text: Hand outline filled with simple repeating marks during a quiet creative activity.
A Mosaic Version
Choose a small base or piece of paper.
You do not need glue unless you want to keep the arrangement.
Select a few mosaic pieces.
Place one piece down.
Pause.
Hold your forearm, hold your sleeve or press your fingers gently against the table.
Release.
Choose the next piece.
Place it beside the first.
Continue one piece at a time.
You might create a small border, spiral, line or cluster.
The pieces do not need to fit perfectly.
The colours do not have to match.
Nothing has to be completed.
You can take a photograph of the temporary arrangement and pack the pieces away.
You can return to the same arrangement another day.
Image suggestion: A small unfinished mosaic made from a few ceramic pieces, with relaxed hands resting nearby.
Alt text: Small unfinished mosaic used as a slow, low-pressure hands-on activity.
Follow Along, Just Watch or Return Later
Sometimes it helps to have someone else hold the order of the steps.
A guided Safe Touch and Self-Holding “Come Create With Me” session can give you a simple sequence to follow without requiring you to speak or explain anything.
You can:
Follow the entire session
Use only the first minute
Watch without participating
Keep your camera and microphone off
Pause whenever you need to
Repeat one section
Change the movements
Use an object instead of your hands
Leave and return later
No special materials are required.
Paper, fabric, a cushion, a pencil, a household object or your empty hands are enough.
The session belongs to you while you are using it.
You decide what to keep and what to leave.
When You Might Use This
You might return to this page when you:
Feel overwhelmed
Cannot decide what to do next
Feel unsettled after a difficult interaction
Are waiting for an appointment or message
Need something quiet to do with your hands
Feel emotionally exposed
Want a clearer physical boundary
Are having difficulty changing tasks
Need to pause before responding
Want support without talking
Are trying to settle before resting
Need a familiar action
Do not know where to begin
You do not need to wait until things become unbearable.
You can use this during an ordinary day because you want a quiet moment.
If you notice the same feeling returning often, it is okay to pay attention to that in your own time.
There is no pressure to decide what it means.
Image suggestion: A small reminder card beside a bed or work area containing the words “Pause. Hold. Notice. Choose.”
Alt text: Reminder card showing four simple steps for a self-holding pause.
How Long Should You Continue?
There is no required length.
You might use self-holding for:
One moment
Ten seconds
One minute
The length of a short song
The time it takes to place five mosaic pieces
As long as it remains comfortable
Longer is not automatically better.
The aim is not to make yourself tolerate uncomfortable touch.
Stop when you have had enough.
There is some early research suggesting that self-chosen, self-soothing touch may reduce part of the body’s stress response for some people. However, it did not produce the same results for every measure or every person, so it should be treated as an optional support rather than something guaranteed to make you feel better.
What to Do Afterwards
Release your hands or place the object down slowly.
Look at one familiar thing in the room.
Move your fingers.
Change your position if you need to.
Take a drink of water if one is nearby.
You might ask yourself one simple question:
What would make the next five minutes slightly easier?
The answer may be:
Staying exactly where you are
Moving to another room
Sitting near a window
Having something to eat or drink
Reducing noise
Turning down a light
Putting on familiar music
Continuing your creative activity
Sending a short message
Resting
Completing one necessary task
Returning to this practice
You do not need to plan the entire day.
Choose only the next manageable thing.
When to Stop
Stop the activity if the touch or pressure:
Hurts
Restricts your breathing
Makes you feel trapped
Causes greater distress
Brings up sensations you do not want to continue
Makes you feel dizzy or physically unwell
Feels wrong for any reason
Move towards something more neutral.
Place your hands on an object.
Look around the room.
Change position.
Move to another space if it is safe to do so.
Avoid pressing on injured, painful or medically sensitive areas.
Do not use an emotional regulation activity to dismiss new, severe or concerning physical symptoms.
Seek appropriate medical assistance when you are worried about what your body is doing.
Physical Safety Comes First
Self-holding is not a replacement for physical safety.
If someone is hurting you, threatening you, preventing you from leaving or touching you without your consent, the priority is creating distance and reaching safer support where possible.
Move towards a safer place, a trusted person or emergency assistance.
You do not need to become calm before you are allowed to seek safety.
If you are in Australia and feeling overwhelmed or unable to stay safe, Lifeline is available by phone on 13 11 14, by text on 0477 13 11 14, or through online crisis chat.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I Have to Put My Hand on My Heart?
No.
The chest can feel too personal, vulnerable or uncomfortable.
You can hold your hand, forearm, sleeve, knee, cushion, blanket or another object instead.
Choose the least confronting option.
What If I Cannot Feel Anything?
You do not need to create an emotional feeling.
Notice physical facts instead.
Your hand may feel warm.
The fabric may feel rough.
The cushion may have weight.
The table may feel firm.
Neutral information is enough.
What If I Feel Worse?
Stop.
Move your hands away and choose something outside your body to notice.
Look around.
Name colours.
Listen for sounds.
Hold an object.
Press your feet into the floor.
You do not have to repeat a method that makes things harder.
Should I Use Light or Firm Pressure?
Use the pressure you prefer.
Some people prefer barely any contact.
Other people prefer steady but comfortable pressure.
The pressure should never hurt, trap you or restrict your movement or breathing.
What If I Do Not Want to Touch Myself?
You do not have to.
Use a cushion, blanket, table, wall, chair, stone or another familiar object.
You can also complete the activity using only sight and sound.
Can I Use a Weighted Blanket?
Only use a weighted blanket when it is comfortable and appropriate for you.
Do not use anything that restricts your breathing or makes it difficult to move.
Follow the safety instructions provided with the item.
A normal blanket, folded towel or cushion is also valid.
What If This Does Not Help?
You have not done it incorrectly.
No single activity works for every person or every moment.
You might switch to:
Gentle movement
Cool water
Looking around the room
Drawing
Arranging objects
Listening to familiar sounds
Sitting somewhere with less stimulation
Doing one ordinary task
This page is one option, not a test.
Can I Return to This More Than Once?
Yes.
You can return whenever the practice feels useful.
You can use different versions on different days.
One day you may hold your forearm.
Another day you may only press your palms against a table.
You are allowed to change the practice as your needs change.
Do I Have to Finish the Creative Activity?
No.
You can stop after one mark, one piece or one minute.
An unfinished activity is still something you used to support yourself.
It does not need to become a finished artwork.
A Gentle Reminder
You do not have to fix everything right now.
You do not have to force yourself to feel better.
You do not have to understand every feeling before you are allowed to support yourself.
You can begin with one hand, one object or one point of contact.
You can stop.
You can change your mind.
You can come back to this anytime.
For now, let the next step remain small.
Choose one comfortable place to rest your hand—or choose one object to hold.
Stay for one moment.
That is enough for now.
Final image suggestion: Two relaxed hands resting beside a small unfinished mosaic, a folded piece of fabric and a smooth stone.
Alt text: Relaxed hands beside simple creative materials after a gentle self-holding activity.
Continue When You Are Ready
Follow the guided Safe Touch and Self-Holding: Come Create With Me session.
You can follow along, use an object instead of direct touch, simply watch or pause and return whenever you need a steady place to land.
There is no pressure to complete the session.
Begin with the first minute.
Take only what feels useful.
Leave the rest.